I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
