So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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