just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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