I'm going to jail i love you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
