If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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