captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I didn't notice because vodka
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
