I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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