I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
