I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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