So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize