his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
