A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
