I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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