I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
