Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
