youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
