I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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