my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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