babies were throwing up all over the place
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
