He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
