I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
