I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
