Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
