Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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