All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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