he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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