He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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