turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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