It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
