I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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