then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
