I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize