my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
