youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
