its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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