new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm at about main and main street
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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