and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
