why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
