I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
