i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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