be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
