Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
