He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
