I cannot find my penis.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
