New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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