My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
