What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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