I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
