I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
