Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
