I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it hurts more in the daytime
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
