tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize