Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
