I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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