I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
