Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
