you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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