Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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