i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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