i barfeds in our rink
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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