Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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