Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
