I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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