Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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