totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
