We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
