Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize