this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
