Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize