The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
