I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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