East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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