Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
