Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
