please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
