My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
