Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
