i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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