she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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