i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
