i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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