Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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