My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Operation Purity has been aborted
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize