You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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