just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Enjoy the penises
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
