He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
OPIZZABONMYDICK
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
