I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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