Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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