THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
