Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
