She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
