She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
