LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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